Pimpin

I've just found out something interesting.

After the 30day challenge I felt I was of gladiator dimensions, because after 30days you’re CONFIDENCE is SUPER-HUMAN. I am not saying it's entirely real…just describing how you FEEL. You feel entitled to any girl in the venue. You FEEL entitled to TAKE what you WANT. You feel like you can slam dunk a basketball (which I could barely do)…you FEEL like you can accomplish anything after enduring the discipline and pain it takes to get there. YOU FEEL FUCKING AWESOME. Almost anything you wear looks good, you feel like a Ferrari on a road filled with Corsas. You feel peaceful. You feel clean. You feel energetic. You feel younger. You feel like you’re not aging. You feel DANGEROUS. Your feel POWERFUL…physically & mentally.

I've been kind of slacking off the gym a little since.

So I was devastated to find this.

''You have 19.5% body fat.

You have 34.7 Pounds of fat and 143.3 Pounds of lean (muscle, bone, body water).

Your BMI is 26.1''

Whilst not particuarly bad, it's not particuarly good in my opinion either.

As I mentioned yesterday, gym will be a top priority up until Faliraki.

My physique will resemble that of Brad Pitt in Fight Club. I guarentee it.




I'd like one day to have a body like The Rock in The Scorpion King. I'm not so keen on looking like some chode though.

And yes, I did say in the comments section that none of this shit really matters and it doesn't. But it's always great went the ladeez want to show you off. Hold your arm like they are so proud to be there. Even though it all breaks down to value, there is nothing like seeing the love and adulation in a girlz face as she is looking at you and you know it's real.

Word.

-michael

fat

Claw

Let['s jam

Last night was awful.........

I worked late, so I went out late. I soon realised that it was going to be one of those drunken nights. And when I'm drunk might aswell kiss goodbye to pulling some hotties,

I go out at 11, next thing I know it's twelve o clock and I've drank 5 or 6 glasses of whiskey and a pint of snakebite.

We go into the club, I walk in singing, but I don't know what.

We wander round, I see The Manatee I give her and snaggletooth the finger.....they yell abuse, I reply with something witty, but I don't know what.

We go across the road to the Spider, we're out on the balcony. I see a fat girl with a labret piercing, I ask her what other piercings she's got. I show her my piercings on the condition she doesn't swoon. She shows me her nipple piercing. She says she has double d's, I bounce and tell her she will show me again later.

See a pretty hot girl, she's with a gay guy. The gay guy starts talking to me, I befriend him, I give the girl some absurd palm reading while massaging her hand. She laughs and tells me my palm reading is bullshit [she's right] I tell her I know my palm reading, I learned it off a gypsy. I go to kiss her [I'm loaded, game's out the window] she says she's engaged and shows me her ring. Huh?. I fluff, and consider using an evil boyfriend destroyer. Gay guy starts talking to me, he fancies me, oh well. I give him a palm reading which is in fact a lot better than the one I gave to the girl. He's intrigued, I talk to girl, tease her. My mate asks me if I'm coming to the pizza shop. I say yes, and I just fucking kiss the girl on the lips and walk off.

Steal my friends chips, and then fade off into the night.

Urggh

Not a happy chappy...

Me and my girlfriend broke up because I'm heartless and insensitive.



And because I got drunk and slept with her friend last thursday.

Fucked up times. Fucked up shit :-(

The hair!!!

My new hair is the best I have ever had. It is sleek and sexy and shiney. It's the greatest haircut known to humanity since the 'Clooney' I will be getting laid constantly due to this masterpiece...


muuuhahahahahahahahah

heheeeeeeheehehehheeeeh

Oooonce more into the breach dear friends.........

Thursday night jihad

Sooo it was another drunken fucked up night in S'land.

We meet up at a different place this week, this is the first time our thursday night route has changed in about two years. But I digress.

The conversation is dire, I demand that everyone drinks snakebite to liven to motherfuckin party up yo.

After a while the conversation starts improving we go to some shitty new bar along the road, I recognise some girls I know from about five years ago, so I tell my drunk friend to go and pull these little hotties who are sitting under the DJ stand. I follow him across.

Naturally he fucks up big style, I try and save this fucked up mess. And then end up amoging the DJ. AAAGGGGHHH.

We move on, and I'm insisting that no-one is allowed to get phone-numbers ever again. I give an impassioned speech on getting laid there and then or getting giving a flat out NO.

In the club, it's the regular thursday night shit-fest, I see my beloved ##### with her new douchebag. Her friend starts hitting on me, I tell her that I eat girls like her for breakfast, and that she's boring me, but naturally she keeps coming back for more.

We walk off bored.

Across the other side, one of the guys who's out with us is arguing with his girlfriend. Or some shit like that....this argument culminates in him steaming into the dancefloor and attacking a group of people. he comes out fine.

Aforementioned girl returns...we're drunked now, and singing:

Steve Bruce are you listening?
Our trophy is a glistening
Because we're five points in front
You fat Geordie cunt
walking in a Keano wonderland

She doesn't know what to make of this...I tell her to be gone.

More drink is consumed. We leave to get food, open up a conversation with a couple of hotties in the pizza shop. I'm talking smack but they're loving it. Really should have laid these two. It was on.

I shouldn't drink so much. If I drank less I would be getting laid like a fucking pimp. AAAAGGGGHHH

Will write more, when I'm more sobre.

-m

I'm going to hell...

I spent the whole of yesterday getting obnoxiously drunk (again) went to the club at about 12.3o, I try to by pass the que by walking past the bouncers, I'm stopped arrrrggghhh.

I join the que, I'm in loserville.

There's a guy I really really don't like, and he doesn't like me, I had a thing with one of his friends before christmas. I always thought it was because of her he didn't like me. I find out this is not the case. Then he starts telling me that now he's spoke to me, I'm a really cool guy. Yea well, lil ole me, oh the humanity.

Get in the club, see my friends, I'm feeling centred, I feel like I'm the coolest fucking person in the club. I couldn't give a fuck, the girls can obviously smell this, I've got some really hot girls into me. Including one who I pulled a few months ago infront of her boyfriend, I'm sure she tries to repeat this trick, her boyfriends there again. I don't want none of this. Back turn. I'm getting more and more drunk, I recall vaguely getting home. I crash out.

Today, I fucked up big style, I had a fucking insane hangover, I get a burger, I feel completely fucking disgusted at myself when I remember it's good friday. First mistake of the day, I'm already going to hell. Me and my friend the Butcher, we go to meet some girls, they're young. We go to the beach, drink some shitty wine, mistake number two you're not supposed to drink wine on good friday either, hellbound again. I bust on both girls mercilessly, I feel unstoppable, I know I can have my pick of either of these cute ass adorable little fucks. My game, has come on leaps and bounds in the past few months, I like this. Still a long long long way to go to where I want to be.

I'm going to go get some food, and have a lie down, all of this sinfulness has made me feel catabloic.

Aaaaand I'm out.

-m

Me...

I used to be such a cool guy. Once upon a time I scaled the heights of pimpdon. Only to come crashing down into a state of narcissism and existential despair in late 2006. This year I will travel the world and hopefully I will regain my mystical pimp powers of glory.

Also this year; GET AN AWESOME JOB, that pays me lots of money and makes me happy yo.

-I want to become a very good writer, I love writing so much. Part of the reason why I was inspired to start this blog, it's something I'd love to do professionally one day. I think I'd make a fantastic gonzo style journalist. [Keep checking this page and you'll see what I mean ;) ]
-I want to read the Will Self books... I think he's great and a terrific writer.
-Stephen Fry books, likewise
-Read some Dorothy Parker

-Watch a few good movies
-Gradually get myself into shape. Spend a good few hours in the gym every week. Get ripped abs, something I've never had! Go to work more. Stop eating shit. Have more sex.
-Write something so good by the end of the year I can sell it.

-Read some intelligent, intellectual stuff by the end of the year aswell

-Travel abroad, I particuarly want to go to Thailand,
-Visit a haunted hotel
-Do a review of motorway cafes as adverse to my experiences sitting watching MTV and masturbating.
-Visit that place in Newcastle England, with the worlds hottest curry!
-Read and review Marcel Proust and talk about how reading about him making a cup of tea has effected my life
-Read Oscar Wilde
-Reread Don Quixote...

-Do a watersport
-Go rockclimbing

I want to get The ultimate 101 things to do before you die book and experience doing them!
Get some travel books from the bookshop and try and do 2 of them a month...

-m